I recently attended my first college football game. It was absolutely awesome. Going to a football game was very special. You know, you can learn several things at a football game, and I think I know how we can boost our church attendance.

Here are my conclusions:

1. We're going to replace our cushioned pews with steel benches and remove the backs (Our elders will have backs for rent.)

2. We're going to make people sit very close to each other. Especially close to those we don't even know.

3. We're going to take the top off the building. There must be something about having a too on the building that keeps people from coming in.

4. We're going to have someone holler real loud in the loud speaker. I guess that will be me since I am the preacher.

5. Oh yeah, one last thing. We're going to make everyone pay $50.00 to get in, even before they know the outcome.

The average in attendance at college football games is 81,000. You know, I think we would settle for 81,000 at church. Oh, one more thing. We're going to change our services to 3 hours instead of one. Boy, with these changes, you'd better come early next Sunday in order to get a good parking place.

—adapted from Glen Willcut, Eagle Lake, FL